i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she pinky promised me she was 18
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
