She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
