Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize