I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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