upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
