The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize