it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
