Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
