i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize