Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
