is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
