found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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