Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
