so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize