I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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