So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
