he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
