im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ladies don't puke and tell
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