Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
