How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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