Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
