i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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