just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
