I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize