All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
