White coat. Heels.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
