The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
