Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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