I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
