Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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