Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
