I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
