need another drink. this is the easiest way
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
