Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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