I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize