what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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