My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
