So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
