What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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