My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
