glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize