textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize