you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
