five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
