How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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