Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
