At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
