I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
