can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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