Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
