I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
