does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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