Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
