Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
