YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
