I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
