i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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