It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
