She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
