I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
