You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
