I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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