in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
