i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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