2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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